A couple o months ago, this story, "Bright Star, Would I Were Steadfast as Thou Art" fell into my head, fully formed. It was all I could do to capture it as it tumbled out of my head. I used a copy editor on eLance (sorry, Upwork) and she loved it (well, I was paying her, what was she going to say?)
I liked it too.
Clarkesworld and half a dozen other magazines, not so much. But, rejection is normal. Until I got to one, who actually took time to write back. The editor there pointed out that stories that objectified women were a hard sell.
Wait, what? Me? Objectify women? Never!
But, upon reflection, I realized, of course that is what the story did. I was in denial.
So, in the interest of both wanting this story to be read, but now kind of embarrassed about it, I land the story here. I don't think I will submit it anywhere else for now.
------------------------
Bright
Star, Would I Were Steadfast as Thou Art
Day 1
The door slid
open, making a small phiffft sound.
The air inside smelled slightly of ionization, and let off an icy chill that
was colder than the room outside. Robert and Dan stopped and looked at each
other.
“Day one.”
“Day one. The
rest of our lives, buddy.”
“Age quod agis.” Robert muttered.
“What”
“Latin, we must do what we must.”
Dan laughed.
Robert went in
first. He was a short, slight man with unruly black hair and freckled skin. He
looked permanently nervous or maybe worried as he looked around. The room
itself was long and curved, the other end out of sight beyond the bend. Cool
white light shone from a curved strip in the ceiling that bent with the room.
At regular intervals were rounded cylinders that ran from floor to ceiling. The
walls were a sea-blue. The room was clean, sterile, minimal. Robert liked it,
especially how quiet it was, unlike the rest of the ship.
“Not so bad,” he
said.
“What?” Dan said,
pulling up the checklist on his tablet. Dan was taller and heavy set, his head
shaved bald. He had a red goatee that desperately needed trimming. “What’s not
bad?”
“This,” Robert
said, gesturing around them. “Cool, quiet.”
“I know what you
mean, brother. You’d think they’d have opened up more of the ship, given a
fellow some space to get away eh?”
“Yes,” Robert
said as he went over to the first cylinder, tipped up on his feet, and peered
through the small rectangle of glass, the window into the cylinder that stood
upright.
A sleeping face
was barely visible on the other side. Dan tapped his tablet and the window lit
up, revealing the face of a young man, his pale skin contrasting with his dark
hair, constrained with nylon straps. His body rested against a foam pad.
“So, just like
practice, you give him the visual scan, I’ll check his vitals.”
“Sure, like
practice, except for reals…” Robert looked at the sleeping man. “Do they
dream?”
“Read they don’t.
Slowed shit down too much, they’re barely alive.”
“But they are…”
“Yup, and we
gotta keep an eye on ‘em to make sure they stay that way.”
“Right. Never
could figure why they make us check, when these guys are hooked up to the main 24/7.”
“Why do they have
us do anything?” Dan snorted. “Just to keep us busy, my fellow worker ant.
Okay, next.”
Robert and Dan
moved a few feet to the next cylinder. The light switched on, and the darker
face of a man lit up. Robert scanned it quickly, looking for anything amiss as
he had with the last guy—redness, flaking skin, beard growth—anything that
might suggest the sleepers were not deep enough in their rest, or that
something had gone very wrong. That they might be resting in a new and final
way.
“Next,” Dan said.
“Next!”
“Next.”
Robert sighed.
His small frame seemed to be getting heavier as they went down the long,
curving corridor. “We gotta do all 1000 every day?”
“For the rest of
our lives. And our kids lives, and their kids… and their kids…”
“Okay, okay, I
know the drill. ‘Cept we don’t have kids.”
“Not yet, but
lots of interesting young women on the loading, huh?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Next.”
Robert moved to
the next one and the light came on. Later on, in his imagination, he would
swear that the light had flickered, as if to say, Wait.
Wait...
I am special.
The light
revealed a young woman with full lips and high cheekbones. Her skin glowed
slightly under the bright LED light. Robert stopped and did not dare to
breathe.
“Check, next!”
Dan swiped a button on his tablet and the light in the cylinder switched off.
“Wait!” Robert
said, louder and more urgently than he had intended.
“What’s wrong?
What do you see?” Dan asked, a slight panic in his voice as he toggled the
light back on. What could be wrong on the very first day?
“Nothing, sorry.
Nothing. It’s just that she’s… she’s amazing.” Robert leaned in, as if he could
get a better look from closer to the glass window.
Dan stepped up
and nudged Robert aside. He gave a low whistle.
“Yeah, she’s a
looker. I didn’t know you went for the cinnamon type. There’s this girl you
might like in the organizing team—”
“Uh sure, but
what about this one…” Robert said, moving back to get a better look.
“She’s frozen,
buddy,” Dan said, laughing.
“Huh? No, I mean,
what about her? What does it say?”
“Oh, uh…
botanist. That’s plants.
“Yes. I wonder what kinds? I used to have a garden with my parents. Well , window boxes really, but we grew plants.”
“Yes. I wonder what kinds? I used to have a garden with my parents. Well , window boxes really, but we grew plants.”
“Uh-huh. Says
she’s Level two, pretty high up there buddy. Her specialty is Ag studies-
farming. Figures, we’ll need that. Says she’s from the Dominican Republic.”
“I don’t speak
Spanish.”
“Well, maybe you could learn?” Dan said tilting his head. “You’ve got
the rest of your life anyways.”
“Anything else?”
“That’s about
it.”
“No name?”
“No names on any
of them. Why would we need names? When they wake up in 500 years they’ll know
their names. We’ll be long dead. Come on…”
Robert stayed,
transfixed, until Dan closed the file, turning off the light.
Robert turned and
moved on to the next cylinder. He glanced back briefly.
Day 2
“Sleep well,
Robert?”
The two were at
the front of the sleep chamber room. Dan was waving his card against the wall
as the door slid open with a small phiffft.
His eyes were bloodshot and his clothing rumpled. Robert, his hair now neatly,
if awkwardly, parted, and his shirt tucked in, fidgeted nervously.
“Yes,” he said.
“Hell of a party.
Not sure I can take another 80 years or so of that.”
“People will calm
down,” Robert said, stepping up briskly to the first cylinder. “Come on, let’s
go.”
“Ok, calm down,
just a little hung over. I can’t go too fast...”
Several minutes
later, Robert’s heartbeat sped up as they neared her cylinder.
He leaned in and
waited.
The light went on
and there she was.
“Ah, your
girlfriend.” Dan gave a small chuckle.
“She is… Uh, she
is beautiful.”
“Yeah, too bad
you will be dust by the time she wakes up. Come, loverboy, many more to go.”
“She is like a
bright star…”
“Huh?”
“A poem, Dan.
Keats.” Robert closed his eyes and recited it:
“Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night,
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient sleepless eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors;
No—yet still steadfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever—or else swoon to death.”
Dan chuckled.
“You’re strange man. I don’t understand most of that, but cool. Gotta find you
a girl who can listen to your poetry…”
Robert did not
take his eyes away from the window until the light went out.
Day 3
“Ready?” Dan
said, his finger hovering above the toggle. Robert waited a beat and then
turned to look at Dan.
“Turn it on.”
“Come on, man,
she’s frozen.”
“Turn it on!”
Robert said, sounding almost desperate.
“Jeez, ok. Look
at you, man, you’re hooked. I think we need to get you a real girl. You didn’t
even try with Ileena last night.”
“Huh?” Robert
answered, not taking his eyes off the face within the steel tube.
“The girl from
Organizing. She was hot for you, man.”
“Uh-huh.” Robert
still did not look up.
“She was warm.”
“Huh.”
“You know… not
frozen?”
“Uh-huh.”
“You gay, Robert?
I don’t care, but it would save time if you told me,” Dan said.
Robert looked
over, annoyed. “No.”
“Then why… look,
why are you obsessed with this… popsicle?”
“Don’t call
Bright Star that.”
Dan opened his
mouth and then closed it. Robert looked down, embarrassed.
“Bright Star?”
“Nevermind, check
it off, let’s go.” Robert did not look up.
“You gotta get
over this shit, man,” Dan said flatly, toggling off the light.
Day 45
“You ready for
Bright Star?”
“Don’t make fun
of me, Dan. I don’t make fun of Neira.”
“Not making fun.
You’re weird man, but that’s ok. Wait, what’s wrong with Neira?”
“Nothing.”
“What? Seriously.
Sure, she’s a little chunky…”
“And short.”
“But she’s real.”
“Nevermind. She’s
fine, check her off, let’s move on.”
“Naw man, take
your time. Like I said, it’s ok.”
“Not in the
mood.”
Day 60
“Hola. Me llamo
Roberto. Me gusta trabajar en el jardÃn.” Robert whispered to the glass.
“What?” Dan said.
“Spanish.”
“Oh. Cool, gonna
talk to her huh?”
Robert did not
answer, but just smiled.
“What did you
say?”
“I told her I
like to garden. It was fun growing things.” Robert said, turning away as the
light went off in the cylinder.
“You could visit
Hydroponics.” Dan suggested.
“Uh… sure.”
Robert said. He turned and glanced one more time at the now dark cylinder.
Day 205
“Neira’s
pregnant, Robert.”
“You sound
worried.”
“Naw… I mean,
sure. Lots getting pregnant. Two, maybe three others I know.”
“They’ll have to
open B section.”
“Doubtful. A’s
supposed to hold 3,000. We’re still 500.”
“499. That guy…
Ralph, Rolf, whatever,” Robert said quietly.
“Oh yeah, sad
man, sad.”
“Will you marry
her?”
“Neira? Yaaah,
maybe, sure.”
“Good.”
“How’s your
girl?” Dan asked.
Robert lingered
as they came to Bright Star ’s cylinder. He did not say a word as Dan toggled
the switch. There she was, still the same.
“I wonder what
she was like,” Dan said, looking at her report.
“Is… is. Yeah, me
too.” Robert said. “ I wonder if she liked to go out to the country on
weekends? Maybe she lived out in the countryside, out West?”
Robert stood,
lost for a moment. “ I wonder…” He hesitated. “They ever… I mean, what if we
just…”
Dan looked up,
his eyes narrowing a little in concern.
“What if what,
Robert?”
“Nothing.”
“No, Robert, what
if what? What if we unfreeze her? This what you’re asking?” Dan’s voice was
hard now. Ice cold.
“No.”
“Damn right no.”
“Not even for a
minute, just an hour? To say hello…”
Dan toggled the
switch, the light went off and he stepped to the next cylinder. Robert
followed. But a moment later Dan turned back to him, his face red, his jaw
hard-set.
“I like you,
Robert, you do your shit right and simple. But you ever even mention what you
just said again and I will turn you in to Command so fast.”
“No Dan, I didn’t
mean—”
“And you know
what, Robbie boy? They will never let your ass in here again. Understood?
Clear?” Dan was shaking.
Robert looked
down at the floor, polished metal with black tread marks running the curve.
“Yes. Clear.”
Day 4747
“Hey, Junior.”
“Hi, Mr. Robert.”
“He is looking
more and more like you every day, Dan,” Robert said with a smile as the door
slid open. “You here to see what your dad does?”
“Naw, he’s seen
that already, remember, Robert? Tell him, son.”
“I have to turn
in a report on what my dad does. For school,” said the tall, somewhat awkward
13 year old.
“Are you going to
follow in your dad’s footsteps?” Robert said as they approached the first
cylinder.
“Someone has to,”
Dan muttered.
“You never had
kids Mr. Robert?” Dan Junior asked.
“No,” Robert
said, looking above Junior’s head, down the long curving corridor.
“You never found
a girl, huh Mister Robert? I mean, a real girl.”
“Son,” Dan said,
his voice full of warning.
“It’s ok. Never
did, Junior. But I have the next best thing. Bright Star. You know about her?”
“Robert, you
don’t have to—”
“It’s ok Dan,
it’s ok. Look around you, Junior. Lots of kids, lots of people doing what they
were supposed to. Your dad and I do our job too.”
“But you don’t
have kids. I thought everyone was supposed to have kids, fill up the ship,”
Junior said with the glibness that only a 13 year old has.
“Well yes, true,
but that doesn't mean everyone has
to.”
“Cause you got
that Bright Star lady? She ain’t real.”
“She is real,
just not… here.”
“Come on, no more
talk, we got 1000 bodies to check. Here son, you can check the reports. Just,
uh, let me check ‘em afterwards too.”
Day 6709
“Check, next.
Bright Star looked nice today.” Dan toggled the next cylinder.
“She always looks
nice,” Robert answered.
Robert moved in
to look through the little window. He drew in a sharp breath and backed away.
He turned and vomited.
“Oh crap,” Dan
said, punching an alarm button on the cylinder. But it was too late. The person
inside, the thing inside, was already gone. A flashing red light lit up the
curve. Within a minute a team of medics arrived.
Too late.
Robert was
leaning against the wall opposite the cylinder, with his hands against the cool
surface and his face in between them, breathing heavily. Dan came over and put
his hand on Robert’s shoulder.
“It’s ok, buddy.
I double checked, never any issue at all. Something failed overnight big time.
Must have shut down the whole thing, never a peep. All these years. I guess I
suspected it would happen sooner.”
He stopped.
Robert was shaking. Tears rolling down.
“You ok, bud?”
Robert looked up,
his faced etched in worry.
“No, no, it’s ok,
Robert. We already checked. Remember?”
“It could happen.
I-I know you think I’m an idiot, Dan.”
“No—”
“Let me finish. I
know you don’t understand about her, and me. I know I’ll be long gone when she
wakes up. I just thought… I always knew that she would live on. I kind of like
that idea. It… gives me comfort… But if she… if these things fail…”
“Well, that’s our
job then, isn’t it? Look, until you die, you’ll get to make sure she is ok.
That’s all anyone can do, right? Man, Robert, when I think about my kids… and
how one day I won’t be here… I get, you know, I get real down. But what can I
do? Just focus on the here and now is all, right? Nothing is forever, man, even
one day she will die too. It will be hundreds of years from now on some planet
we’ll never see… but she will die. And there is nothing you can do, except take
care of her now.”
Robert nodded, wiping
his face.
“Come on.” Dan
gently pulled his hand away from Robert’s shoulder. “Let’s do what we can for
the rest.”
Day 24107
“Hello, Mr.
Robert.” Dan Junior greeted Robert outside the curved room. Robert looked up as
it momentarily startled.
“Hello, Dan. Who
is this?”
“This is Mark,
you know him. My son.”
“He is so big!”
“I am almost 25,
sir,” Mark said.
“Really?”
Dan Junior
glanced nervously between Robert and Mark.
“Mr. Robert, Mark
was here last week too. Remember?”
Robert coughed
and looked at the two men, his eyes watery.
“Oh. Of course.
Of Course.” He looked down. The door slid open with a phift. Mark went in, but Robert grabbed Dan Junior by the sleeve, a
worried look on his face.
“Is he… Am I
being replaced?”
Dan Junior gave a
weak smile. “No sir… I mean, yes, but don’t worry. I checked with command. You
can come with us as much as you want. I promised Dad I would make sure you got
in here every day, and I aim to keep that promise.”
Robert let out a
sigh of relief.
The two went
inside. As they rounded the curve, Robert’s pace picked up. He said nothing,
but shuffled along after Mark and Dan Junior.
“Mr. Robert, Mark
here moved into the new section B they opened last month.”
“Hmmm? Oh, good.”
“He and Eva had a
girl last month, his second.” Dan Junior sounded proud.
“Hmmm. Hmmm.”
Robert stood in front of the cylinder, eager, waiting.
The light came
on. There she was, soft cinnamon skin, full lips and sculpted cheekbones.
Robert smiled, his wrinkled and puckered face reflected slightly in the glass.
.
“Her name is
Juneko…”
“No… no, it’s
Bright Star,” Robert said, more to himself than anyone.
Mark looked at
his father with confusion. Dan Junior laughed lightly. “He’s talking about her,
Mark.” He nodded towards the cylinder.
Dan Junior
toggled the switch off after a moment. Robert seemed to deflate a little.
“Sorry, Mr.
Robert, we gotta move along. There is always tomorrow.”
Robert nodded.
“My little girl,
Mr. Robert—Juneko—she’s just a few weeks old,” said Mark lightly. “Maybe you
could stop by and see her. I can show you around B.”
Robert looked up.
“You have kids?” Mark nodded. “Your grandfather, would be very proud. Great
grandkids... great grandkids... it is… great grandkids. Their children’s great
grandchildren will never meet this woman. Will never meet Bright Star…”
Robert looked
back at the dark cylinder.
“Section B, you
say? So many children…”
Day 26384
“I can make it,”
Robert said, his voice faint but his hands able to push Mark’s away.
“I just don’t
want you to fall.”
“Let him be,
Mark.”
Piffft.
Robert pushed a
lightweight walker in front of him. It took great effort to move, but he
managed. Each step made him wince and after only a few he was winded. But he
kept going.
Finally, they
were there.
Dan Junior toggled
on the light.
Robert turned to
the two men. “I just want a moment.”
They nodded and
went on to the next cylinder, leaving the light on in Bright Star’s cylinder. .
Robert stood for
a very long time in front of the glass, his cheeks wet. Gently, he put his hand
on the glass. Beneath it, the woman inside rested peacefully in a deep and
dreamless sleep, unaware of the world around her. Her full lips and delicate
cinnamon skin seemed to glow in the light.
“Bright star,
would I were steadfast as thou art,” Robert said softly.
The light in the
window flickered off.
No comments:
Post a Comment